The Three-Martini Playdate: A Practical Guide to Happy Parenting by Mellor Christie

Author:Mellor, Christie [Mellor, Christie]
Language: eng
Format: azw3
ISBN: 9781452116549
Publisher: Chronicle Books LLC
Published: 2012-05-10T16:00:00+00:00

- CHAPTER 14 -

THE THREE-MARTINI PLAYDATE

I REALIZE THAT THE DAYS MAY BE OVER WHEN A MOTHER could send her five-year-old out the door with a cheerful “Be back in time for dinner!,” secure in the knowledge that her little one would wander over to some friendly neighbor’s house and get in the hair of that friendly neighbor for a while. Those days were not only good for the mommies, they were good for the inquisitive pre-K child, who could learn the geography of the neighborhood, observe unfamiliar people in their habitats, and occasionally get accidentally locked in some interesting neighbor’s bathroom. A child could ask endless questions of an adult other than his parent, an adult who might find him enchanting, an adult who might think it a real treat to have him over for a chat and possibly a cookie. A child could run over to the Worcesters’ to play “house” with the Worcester girls, or up to the Breezebottoms to play “doctor” with little Stevie, or out into the middle of the street to play “spook” until it was time to come in for dinner.

In these modern times, we have the playdate. One must schedule one’s child for a date to play with another child, usually because the child likes playing with your child at preschool, and they think they can re-create the magic in a domestic setting. Sometimes he simply wants to see what kind of toys your child has been stockpiling, or he would like to show your child his own recent acquisitions.

Occasionally my husband and I find that we actually like the child, and we hope that the parents are tolerable, as we will be forced to sit in their house making interminable small talk while the children play. More often than not, we find we have nothing in common with these people, that they have invited us only because their sweet picklepuss wants our child to come over. Perhaps they are attempting to socialize their ill-behaved offspring by surrounding him with lots and lots of nice boys and girls, and are willing to hobnob with total strangers to accomplish this formidable task. The situation is frequently as awkward as a bad blind date, and one must endure a forced, often painful gab session, attempting to answer such questions as “So, what do you do?” while discussing the ins and outs of early childhood development. Aside from simply declining every invitation and being thought of as an unpleasant recluse who keeps one’s child a shut-in, these playdates must be reciprocated, and you will, sooner or later, be expected to sacrifice some otherwise fine and relaxing afternoons to entertaining a succession of people with whom you have no shared interests other than the fact that your children like to play together.

In the spirit of The Philadelphia Story or Auntie Mame, when forced to entertain dull or insufferable fellow parents, show off your home milieu in the most eccentric possible light. Answer the door in an orange caftan, a cigarette dangling from a long, ivory-handled holder.

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